the story of me

the amount of pain that my chest was feeling was too much for my heart to bear. it felt as if my veins were boiling. while my eyes were burning with the amount of tears i was holding back. my throat was burning with the words i couldn’t say. my body was frozen at the mention of her name. the truth finally came out with rocks attached to every word. rocks that broke me down made me fall to my knees and ask how long? a question i didnt want to hear an answer to. i felt attacked from all directions. felt betrayed by more than one person. the love i had quickly turned to hate. the  compassion i once felt was shattered by the pain. she used everything i had expressed to you in confidence to break me down, but what u didnt know was that those words can only hurt coming from ur mouth. u didnt try to stop anything that was happening. you stood in the sidelines and watched. stared as this girl came in between everything we once had. for what? for a companion that you once had with me? nothing that she does will ever be as perfect as what you had with me.

you tried to break me with words. but what u failed to realize is that your words don’t make or break me anymore. i let you go. i let you live. i let you be. guess it didn’t work. because the bitch ur with now has no worth. which is a reflection of ur self-worth. go ahead and pretend that ur happy go ahead and pretend ur alright because we both know that in the end i’m the one that won. 

The heaviness of the amount of loneliness that I feel is too overwhelming.
The amount of tears that I try to hold back to be strong is tearing me in half.
The words that I don’t say to make my reality stay a fantasy.
Everything I do to not feel anything is starting to grow into a massive ball of pain and feelings that are going to make me weak.
A weakness that I refuse to let anyone see, a weakness that shows that I actually feel something besides what I allow people to see.
The loneliness is starting to take control, the void that I try to fill with hours working to get something in return. But nothing can fill up that hole.
A light shines from the sky everyday reminding me that I am loved, that I am missed, that I’m not the ONLY one that feels like this.
That light brings a smile to my face every minute of the day, every hour of the night.
That light is a blessing that I’m thank God for every night.
That light gives me strength to work as hard as I do, to love as much as I do, and to LIVE as much as I can, because all of this could come to an end tomorrow, or today.